Yesterday, we encountered more plastic visages from our relatives. They do seem behaved on the outside; yet I often wonder what mean spirits possessed their insides. There is definitely something wrong but cannot tune into the lack of nice qualities I expect from pod peoples.
The faces of certain relatives are deeply filled with pock marks, weird wrinkles and puffiness filled underneath the cheekbone areas. The twinkles in their eyes are unnervingly insincere and sometimes bug eyed like monsters. Their smiles are etched into their faces and have little or no warmth through their opaque white teeth.
Maw and I had discussed yesterday evening around 06:00PM about the inner workings of how our East Bay relatives behaved. I have offered my best explanation that we are very territorial and will defend ourselves against others or from our very own kin folks to the very end. Finding fault for the slightest error made at any one time is unforgettable.
This means that in-laws would be blamed regardless for trifle matters, such as who attended which parties and how frequently one would show face in spite of the back biting that has been going on up to this point in time. There seems to be a general burden that in-laws have to carry for the term of any relationship.
My presumption is that being in America allows some to forget where they originated. They probably forgot the hierarchy of respecting older people, who are more sensitive and perhaps more traditional than Americanized Filipinos. They freely chose to ‘just ignore’ the protocol of properly greeting and leaving.
My ‘real’ life experience taught me that certain nasty creatures could tune out or just ignore a friendly gesture of waving goodbye. I have a feeling those people are using their gang, unity or togetherness technique to include only preferred members in their close minded boxes.
There has been some basic kindness with a simple smile or kind word from certain people, though. Little has been said as the norm except two male first cousins who bothered to have a small conversation of a couple of minutes each with me.
Maw’s belief that only good exists is opposite of what she expected from her in-laws, who had exposed her further to the harsh realities in life. She truly believes her peace is found with her prayers and within her own God. Her face is remarkably youthful as noticed yesterday by the other curious onlookers.
Once again I have no other recourse but to take the middle ground between the betrayal of innocence and the trust in love. I cannot ‘just ignore’ the existence of my paternal relatives; yet I cannot ‘just ignore’ the existence of my true being. I prefer freedom over security anytime; forward looking statements over backward thinking attitudes; and embracing enemies over ignoring love.
My simple life may become more exposed to the world of my future in-laws, if any, and have saved my sense of self by being alone. If stopping my smiling or giggling inappropriately would turn my face plastic, my inner guidance would refuse to be downplayed among more professional players in the game of life.
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Saturday April 22, 2006 – 01:50am (PDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
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