A few minutes ago, I asked Maw: How do you see yourself in the mirror? She didn’t understand as I repeated the question twice, flipped on the light switch and placed her in front of the big vanity mirror. She replied: “Only white hair.”
Well, that’s what I expect to see when I get older — my mother with white hair. You see, both of us are too simple. We don’t wear much make-up, do our hairs fancy or wear nail polish. When we do attend morning mass, we “don” ourselves descent clothes and act ourselves.
Like Paw, we don’t pretend to be people we are not. We don’t compete with anyone and don’t brag about our achievements. As a matter of fact, we feel “awkward” to be among those “pretentious” people who want recognition.
Sure we get along fine with family and friends, but only up to there — never getting too close to their situation or being too influenced by their expectations for us to “show off”. No. We didn’t go down that path socially.
Personally, we kept up appearances in our own special ways by donating to the church and local donation centers and visiting the sick and dying when possible. We bought many cars and are left with one luxury car and a beater car. The house is paid off and the monthly income is enough for our lifestyle.
The rest is history — the three of us graduated college, bought whatever we could afford and got along well with each other. We learned that life is indeed short to carry out more than necessary, other than enjoying our company and whoever visits or calls us on occasions.
The only sad part was being ignored by our ungrateful relatives in the Bay Area. We just got tired of the partying and competition, the gossiping and back biting and basically faded away from the disconnect among Paw’s siblings and the problems of ALL cousins thereof.
In July 2000, I wanted to change that. I wanted to raise up my family and make others feel proud of us. And so I let my ego over-rule my “common sense” and I paid the price dearly. The “ride” didn’t stop there. I met more strangers and even stranger events that didn’t make sense.
Now, it’s 2012, and I still am trying to get rid of my past. But so many memories of hurt won’t leave. So it is with this blog, the reason for my “daily boost” to live another day/night and to share what I’ll leave behind — nothing because of my hiding behind a pseudonym.
Sure I’ll continue to hook up online and link up websites. But all that is to bring readers INTO their sites and not UNTO moi, you damn dummies! I don’t really care about my weblog or if people read the “honest” contents or make useless comments. If only I could move it elsewhere, I could but the WordPress.com export doesn’t work for registered domains!
If you must know, my “curiosity” to lurk in the internet and to troll around the sites were “tests” to see how many damn dummies would take my “hook, line and sinker” via chatting in online messengers or participating in forum discussions.
That’s not my purpose. My purpose is just let out steam. I know damn well TPTB and pals are lapping up my thoughts as if blog are food and drink that could be made into scripts for the theatrics in the grand scheme of things.
Most of my contents are “borrowed/stolen” anyway — a mirror of my observations and experiences on this hellish planet. In one of my recent comments to a WordPress.com blogger, the material may NOT always belong to me but to those who offer inspiration.
So I ask you: what will you want me to say in my blogs? Do you want me to stop making noise and disappear forever, take down everything online, save for emails? Or do you wish to give me advertisement-free material until I die or get bored, whichever comes first?
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