In recent news,
Catholic Church unveils strict Latin translation, biggest change to Mass in 40 years
New English-version debuts nationwide Nov. 27
BY Lore Croghan
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Saturday, November 5 2011, 10:18 PM
“The city’s Roman Catholics are preparing for the biggest change to the Mass in 40 years, a new English translation that will be rolled out nationwide Nov. 27.”
View a front and back image of the sample changes to the updated congregational responses for mass according to the New Translation of the Roman Missal.
Here are my humorous interpretations of the changes in parenthesis:
- And with your spirit. (The Lord be within/inside you.)
- I have greatly sinned. (That makes us really bad.)
- through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore… (The letter “F” in our alphabet is the sixth letter. Therefore, saying the word “fault” three times gives us a Satanic, numerical value of “6-6-6”!)
- Have mercy on us, O Lord. For we have sinned against you. Show us, O Lord, your mercy. (I would like to know how we have sinned and why the Lord has not struck us down dead yet for all those sins!)
- on earth peace to people of good will. (That means only the good guys get peace, not the bad guys on earth.)
- We praise you, we bless you, we adore you, we glorigy you, we give you thanks for your great glory. (Hey! How about giving people credit for staying alive?)
- O God, almighty Father, Only Begotten Son, Son of the Father, (I believe there are many sons and daughters of God, who may prefer diversity over singularits.)
- you take away the sins of the world, receive our prayer, have mercy on us. (Yes. Please take us off this hellish planet.)
- O… (Oh, Lord! Not again!)
- I believe… things visible and invisible… (Same thing. Longer words.)
- I believe… Begotten… born… before all ages… (You mean timeless eras?)
- consubstantial… and by… was incarnate… (That’s another long word. And now there is the New Age concept of incarnation and/or Eastern philosophies of rebirths.)
- he suffered death and rose again on the third day… accordance with… (Excellent! That means his bloodline is still alive! Whoo! Hoo!)
- I believe… who… is adored… who… (Who cares?)
- I believe… I confess… and I look forward… (Okay. We Catholics believe in the afterlife, just like ancient Egyptians once did. But look at them mummies now!)
- holy… (That means sacrifices will be accepted by only the HOLY.)
- And with your spirit. It is right and just. (So are we supposed to give it up just like that?)
- Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God of hosts. (Okay. Then who are the parasites?)
- The mystery of faith. (Blind faith is not good.)
- We proclam your Death, O Lord, and profess your Resurrection until you come again. (Umm. They’re here!)
- O Lord, again. (That’s right. O Lord, again!)
- Save us, Savior of the world, for… (Are we that hopeless and helpless?)
- And with your spirit. (The Lord be within/inside you.)
- Behold… behold him… (What’s with the Lamb?)
- Blessed are… to the supper of the Lamb… (Really! What’s up with the Lamb?)
- that you should enter under my roof,… my soul… (So spiritual possession inside my mind is a good thing?)
- And with your spirit. (The Lord be within/inside you.) — Spiritual possession!!!
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