Dear Lawd Gawd,
Please kill me now! I’m totally freaking bored at my temp job from hell. My brain is dying as a result.
Today, I was given a project. I was given two spreadsheets. I usually call them ‘raw data’ because they’re just like raw red meat that I’ve yet to cook and chew up.
So for one hour I studied the shit and couldn’t figure out how to sort the data in one row against each line item.
I stormed out to take a bathroom break and to refill my water bottle. I saw the client taking a smoking cigarette break outdoors. Then I returned to my desk nonchalantly as the three girls talked. I didn’t care.
So after fiddling with the ‘autofill’ feature without much success, I successfully learned and used the ‘transpose’ feature. I dumped the unwanted data on a separate worksheet tab called ‘junk’.
I forgot how to set up my vlookup. I was picking up multiple columns instead of just picking up the left-most column and sat there for one hour fuming.
So for both spreadsheets, I have four tabs labeled ‘raw data’, ‘junk’, ‘pivot’, and ‘audit’. The pivot table only works when I sort each column against one line item.
I cleaned up my ‘audit’ tab by sorting the ‘variances’ column, which is simply the sum differences between two shits, and by high lighting the zero variances as Good green colors. While the non-zero variances, such as N/A and shit, are high lighted in Bad red colors.
Besides improving my spreadsheet skills, I’m learning that in order to keep a good paying job, pretending to work hard, to fix it, and to at least help clean up the mess may be dishonest, but that’s how these fools and consultants get the job done.
Sincerely with shit,
Evil Kitty
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