So far I’ve observed how my presence does not appear to go well with people. Maybe that is why I choose to avoid people. But others seem to come close but I notice they appear to wear down in minutes. I’m not fast enough to see how people really are under their thick skin or feel if they are hurt at all but only until after much thinking in solace that I realize it’s too late: I should have said this or done that or taken neither action.
But what I do see are bags of puffiness that would appear under their eyes. Sometimes tears would well up in their eyes because they are not used to being bombarded with the truth from a small mind with a loud voice. The slouch to their shoulders would round off, too. And quietness would still the awkward air.
I don’t know if my bodily order was a result from not taking a shower like ‘normal’ people or if my bad breath was due to eating onions, garlic and other aromatic food stuff, like peppers. If my frown face offends them, I didn’t know that I was too ugly to show my real face to the outside world. I feel fat, too.
Thanks to singing during morning mass for the past 17 months unemployed, my voice has gotten louder and more forceful. My mouth, unfortunately, has retained is usual bite of mean-spiritedness. It’s my inner demons of being possessed with jealously, hatred and anger that has been brought forth by external forces beyond my control (really) and that of frustrations, which I refuse to tell another soul in this lifetime.
Anyway, my real affect when around certain people happens to be right between their eyes. They would begin to close their eyes and rub their foreheads, somewhere located around the third eye chakra. Then they would look up, drained. They are agents, from two of my former co-workers (a Navajo and a part German Filipina), the twit that I’ve been ranting about in my blogs and my older ‘clone’ unit, too.
If I could get between their eyes, I wonder if I could change not just their minds but their hearts. I see how different people are to me. I have observed they always want to be right and blame others for being wrong. I get blamed too, being compared to my older ‘clone’ unit, which took care of me since birth.
So I y’all want to be my friends. Good luck! I expect to see you smiling. If I see y’all cannot handle the truth and hurt me in return, then you are agents, living lies to distract yourselves from facing reality and feeling hurt as a result of being targeted by unseen forces. Oh, so silly, fools!
Copyright © 2008 by Fluffy von der Flynn. All rights reserved.
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