During mass this morning, a couple sat down behind my parents, not normally but today they did. They look like ordinary, friendly couples and greeted my parents in the parking lot en route to the church. But my protective, spider-sense would be tingling about the two.
The old lady looks Hawaiian but greeted a normal, burly Mexicano in Spanish. The old guy is Filipino with white hair, too. She is thinner. He is taller. They came to my parents during the Christmas morning celebration and talked. The old lady was very inquisitive of my parents’ background. The old lady didn’t speak Filipino, by the way. You could see her eyeballs barely protruding out — an early sign of thyroid problems.
I got pissed because I expected the two old farts to say to me: “Peace Be With You”. They did to my parents. I mumbled under my breath: “Bitch” when I looked twice to see if she would look but wouldn’t. I flicked her off by scratching behind my right ear. Then when we were turning to line up to receive the Eucharist, she cleared her throat very loudly that I immediately cleared mine loudly, too. Of course, Maw got startled in front of me.
I also was about to scratch my right buttock and flick her off again but controlled myself. As I rounded the far-left aisle of the church, I saw Manong Ben grin at me. He was looking at me sideways to his left. I looked at him and said in my mind: “Crazy people”.
Then I saw a Gook look at me. Usually, these type of people have “strong senses”, too. And she turned around and looked at me long and hard. From her her seven o’clock position, she continued to look at me but gave me second look. I told her in my mind that you’re crazy too and flicked her off with my left finger by scratching my left temple. Her eyes are beady, her face and nose are long and her hair is slightly curly and sheen today but usually disheveled.
So one day, I’d like to proclaim to the former usher that people at my local parish are all nutters! All religious zealots are nutters from fundamentalist Jews, Christians and Islamic forces alike! These people keep praying to the air!
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