“Je suis ennuie.” I think to myself in French because I do feel bored with the overall cloudy day of gray. I really don’t want to crawl back into bed and waste my time doing nothing. I am not yet bedridden and still am able-bodied; so people should be active during normal waking hours while they still can.
The only time I should be Laying down on my nice canopy bed with its sunny yellow-colored sheets with ruffled edgings is reading a nice book to inspire my ennui days, depressurizing my back by bringing my knees to 90 degrees with feet still on bed, then to the left feeling the stretch (oh, good) and finally to the right hearing the pop (ah, relief) and sleeping with such Skill that dreaming of donuts Dunking over the jail-like fence enclosure of Andersen could make me Fat so much.
Donuts taste good and would have complimented this morning’s Kona coffee blend (of Arabica beans and Kona beans) that Maw had brewed in our miniature plastics coffee maker a few minutes ago. The smell of breakfast creeps upstairs as Dad pan fries the berry farm sausage left over from Christmas and Mom pan fries her garlic flavored fried rice. My mouth is watering from the smell of food from below as I sip my coffee upstairs in my bedroom.
I am blind to love. I did not see how perfect the design of this play has ended. It brought tears of disbelief to my dry eyes. The issues between both Brat and Maw are not my problem. And, honestly, I did not care. My main purpose seems to be the middle ground as each pour their bucket load of beautiful sounds into my two ear holes of how the other operates.
Her mission seems to allow Brat much needed fighting spirit to express, strengthen and defend himself against others that may do him real or imagined harm. His version is to do nothing for her behavior does not justify her actions of provoking the baser emotions in others. I discovered this morning from Maw that both her and Brat are now in good terms.
According to her, Brat said sorry to both his bio-units last night and gave each one a hug and kiss with my Maw blessing him with ‘Amen’ (in Filipino style on the forehead touched with her right knuckles in gorilla-like fashion) in forgiveness. Oh, this is a sweet image coming from that Maw as she reiterates to my ear holes of how beloved Brat could be for apologizing after all that has been said and done over the past few days.
He is her good boy (oink) for being the nice Pig sign, which he is; while I am her bad girl (hiss) for being the mischievous Monkey sign, which I am. Although Maw has branded me as lacking compassion and understanding, my true self dictates that there is no apology necessary to be given by this lazy woman at this time. I still may be this dumb, stupid girl in a body of a thirty-seven year old woman. But I should know better, right?
How crooked are they for stringing me and my heart along in this, my boring life? How could they lower themselves with the base emotions of hate, fear and anger during wartime and then raise themselves with the noble emotions of love, understanding and compassion during peacetime? Why do people like me bother taking sides?
The theme of destruction and creation has been played out all too frequently over the years by both Maw and Brat. And I am often left wondering who are the victims that are so many and easy to prey and where are the rescuers that are so few and hard to find.
Those that hold the middle position have the greatest responsibility as both forces of dark and light, of bad and good and of wrong and right dual each other in a never ending story towards love and peace.
Somehow during my efforts of being true to oneself while learning of the many confusing trials and errors that goes with adjusting perceptions towards many truths, I feel this whistler blowing an old WWI tune into the wind, the “Colonel Bogey March” of the epic movie “The Bridge on the River Kwai” (1957).
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Sunday March 5, 2006 – 09:11am (PST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
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