On Thursday, I’ve received a load of one-sided (but probably truthful) hot air from one my ‘watcher.’ And I didn’t know how to say, ‘Stop! You are giving me such a headache!’ I suffered in silence. The unfair part was me being caught in the middle again.
My fault was not to provide honest feedback of my limitations to fulfill the role of receptive listener. My brain tends to drift after a few minutes. And no matter how much effort I try to hear and understand the troubled person, I might have said the wrong things (as usual).
I wasn’t in the mood and too busy at work to debate with troubled people, who tend to make their troubles mine. My forte is not providing better guidance to those who seek. I, too, seem to throw lots of hot air around as my reflection in others. But I know when to stop and shut up, too.
I realized that I cannot help everyone verbally, truly! I didn’t know how to stick to issues discussed but rather found myself entertaining their versions of reality. Everything is a game – politics or not. And I was not having fun with my lessons from this ‘watcher’ in the late afternoon prior to 03:00PM.
I realized that most people have crossed my path to teach me vital lessons in life. The lessons are meant to hurt sometimes and I could only ask forgiveness for not knowing better and overrating myself.
I’ve learned that my timid voice cannot be heard for this current lifetime. No amount of positive or enlightened reinforcement from any ‘watcher’ would override my karma – a very bad, potty mouth, which continues under my frustrated breath while working in front of an inanimate object – the computer.
Computers provide lots of visual, audio and my favorite articles to keep my brain sharp and my senses entertained. My other sources of learning material are from two units who have been bickering recently. Both are valid in their own rights and in their versions of their own truths.
Unfortunately, I do not believe either one and refused to play the middle person, if you will. I cannot be too close to them ‘friends’ when my time comes to leave this stink hole either. This is another reason why people misunderstand my being aloof as being a ‘beach’.
No bill signed by our ‘elected’ leader could protect me from the truth that people have problems of their own that are not meant for me. There were, however, two other co-workers who that tried to interrupt the conversation between my ‘watcher’ and me after, say, thirty minutes.
Perhaps they noticed some anomaly occurring in my area because people hardly talk to me and probably the nice cameras mounted on the ceiling nearby has observed the status my security. I did notice the whole place got really quiet as he made himself heard loudly more than I could in public. As a result, I remained very quiet the whole time.
I am a stubborn student indeed and prefer to keep the status quo and not ruffle the feathers of those who are more tenured or senior in any working environment. I am trying not to play stupid and have observed the fearlessness of my ‘watcher.’
He has demonstrated to me that anyone could be heard, if given a chance. Changes need to be made at this place. But, like so many other establishments with cogwheels that are not well greased, the changes seem to occur much slower.
P.S. It’s up to our ‘superiors’ to decide our fate, duh. Mine has already been sealed. Yours will be next if you don’t wake up.
Copyright © 2007 by Fluffy von der Flynn. All rights reserved.
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