“Peace is with you, Maw.” My little brat (old soul) said to my Maw (insecure child). Nothing but silence lingered in the air. Then the heated arguments would ensue with the child throwing her tantrums of kicking, screaming and crying at the founded soul of old wisdom.
Whatever has been transpiring between these two recently has escalated to the final battle of hearts. I do not know who will win. Both parties are expected to end their stage act soon enough. And I am excited to find out how this tragic play will end.
The evolution of anyone person is tremendous and I see great things about to happen. brat will move onward towards better days with his heart’s desire and a new house. Maw will be more restful knowing the boy has proved himself to be better. Paw will remain the same calm figurehead of the family.
And, as for me, well, my purpose as I have known for the past six years is to be the anchor that holds the vast cargo ship from a drifting beyond its limits. I’ve been dragging together my hopes and fears knowing some ‘Moron’ will pull through with love and hope for all of us. My will is no longer their betrayals of my heart.
The past few months have been a great test for us here so far. I feel springtime is almost upon us. I do hope the higher realms are not laughing too much at us. For we have all come a long way to figure out that there must be answers as to why we break each others’ backs over three dimensional efforts instead of breaking bread in peace.
There have been many moments of despair and disappointments with Maw. Laughing with us during this battle of wits among the likes of us Twits is helpful. For this same laughter within us paves the sincere purpose to be better than our current selves. I would prefer a comedic ending in this play by the way.
It’s not funny when Maw has claimed prior to the arrival of brat one hour and a half ago that I have no compassion or understanding. I almost lost my voice in choked up tears from being brought into the level of their playing fields. Yes, I’ll admit I am lazy woman. I do not like vacuuming, dusting, cooking, gardening or taking care of others’ businesses.
I prefer not getting close to people who instill fear-based thinking into others like brat and myself and suck our energies dry. There is still hope for the few who wish to be free from the daily chores that are no fun either.
This Maw may experience many lifetimes to learn from past mistakes and wrongs that she still today denies to have ever committed. I find that anyone self-proclaiming no sin whatsoever and that the heavens would embrace them when the time comes has wishful thinking and may have hit the wall themselves without their knowledge. I have observed this in other relatives who have lost loved ones and they too self-proclaim to have been sinless in their own minds. Broken hearts do have wild imaginations, I’m afraid.
What I have learned during the one hour discussion with brat is how much philosophical bent I’ve bestowed on this already enlightened soul. I merely reflected and discussed with him what I’ve gained from reading articles online. I’ve learned there is no room for dishonesty and hurtful conversations anymore.
I did my job well because I seem to have acted as a catalyst for this cleansing process of healing the emotional baggage between brat (for now) and Maw (later on). My hope is to make sure brat continues forward towards well-being and more children to reflect his happiness.
Oh, I can’t wait for the blessed events of many smaller feet versions of myself through the children, if any, of brat. Hey, my turn in producing at least one heir should be next, if possible at all.
For the meantime, I am caught in the middle. Both Paw and Maw downstairs will be taken cared of by me in their old age (if my future husband, if any, doesn’t mind). I will try to balance my devotions to both my parents of old outdated patterns of a Filipino culture not befitting today’s enlightened adults and brat who provides the kindred spirit of renewed hope in me from this caged-in box of an upstairs bedroom that has comforted me all this time.
I hope that this bag full of warm pandisal, a much larger and tastier Filipino version of dinner rolls, would suffice in as I fling said items with gusto towards any straw man that crosses my path ever again. Maybe then my aching back won’t hurt so much from being stepped on mercilessly or back stabbed unknowingly.
Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.
Saturday March 4, 2006 – 09:11pm (PST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Leave a Reply