CNN Debate: What Fonda, Cuban, Nye, Stone, Jillette and Patterson want to ask
Off-topic rant 20150915-0938. Below are my mock responses as POTUS to questions posed by the minions.
Jane, I don’t believe in equality because women must submit unto their husbands and husbands must take care of them. Per Mom’s analogy long ago, a thumb differs from the other four fingers. The thumb is for babes while the middle finger is for assholes. Therefore, equality is only a pipe dream of liberals.
Stephen, I agree. Register cars and guns. License drivers and responsible gun owners. But illegal immigrants and crazy shitheads aren’t allowed that privilege.
Gary, I’d make successful deals through hard negotiations. Then when all diplomatic solutions are exhausted, I’d nuke them to death.
Russell, I’d recuse all federal judges who are prejudice and bias. I’d get rid of lifetime Supremacist Court Justices. And I’d require death penalty on all felons, including corrupt, crazy cops. I’d open investigations to independent third-party oversight. No Fifth Amended Rights apply.
Susan, I’d impose fines and fees on businesses that poison the public and jail corrupt EPA agents. I’d ban all poisons, including medicines. I’d encourage land owners to grow their own gardens. Lazy assess.
Glenn, Trump is a tongue flicking Satanists and he has sold his soul to the devil for fortune and fame. Therefore, that one-government, single-payer healthcare system is a socialist agenda meant to destroy America from their alleged inalienable rights to decide what’s best for their family. God is imaginary, by the way.
Jose, you’re Hispanic just from looking at your name and an idiot, too. The U.S. Constitution is just a piece of paper. Since I’m part of the establishment, my brother’s keeper and I have decided your kinds don’t deserve free handout from taxpayers. As a result, we can pick and choose who gets birth rights and who doesn’t. Comprende? Bueno!
David, I’d first give jobs to local residences and prevent outta-state and foreign competitors from stealing middle-income jobs. Then, I’d do the same for universities and state colleges.
Mark, I don’t trust any stock market system and as a result I stick my stash abroad to protect that shit from taxation. The stock market is declining this and next month and the only suckers are the new players.
Bill, I’d require desalination for all bordering states. Regardless of drought-like conditions and other horrible acts of God, I don’t believe in any climate change, which really had been constant over the eons.
Michael, I don’t care for demographics. As an entertainer and a reptilian, I expect my minions to laugh at my speeches. I appeal to all audience.
Sharon, I believe everything is temporary. That’s why settled laws and on-ground realities don’t apply to those who control everything. So your question on “rights” is moot.
Robert, I believe in educating stupid and crazy humanz by having idiots like you providing public service announcements after each primetime show. Then, I’d have the impulsive ones sterilized so that they won’t produce more unwanted freaks.
Leroy, you’re Chinese and you’re an enemy of America. Until China can improve animal and human rights and until you Chinese stop your Satanic superstitious influences on Christians in America, then y’all can mess with the Russians and U.S.
James, I’d get rid of Common Core and segregate the races based on smartness and wealth. Education must start at home and I believe and would fund home educators and educations. Chartered schools is a great idea and I’d remove unions from public schools. I hate unions.
David, I get my bad news through electronic means, such as text messaging. The mainstream news media is severely controlled by Satanic cohorts. I’d correct that news honestly and publicly and it’s up to the minions to pass judgement.
Penn, you’re a faggot. I don’t like faggots. You and your faggotism don’t deserve a marriage sanctified by state or by any religious institution. For all I care, you can have your pieces of papers authorized by Lord Lucifer, Heil Satan!
Tina, I don’t have to disclose anything to you or your mind-controlled yakking heads prematurely. My cabinet is full of cups, if y’all must know. And none of those cups are served for tea. I don’t drink coffee either.
William, I don’t make friends or enemies. I make deals. Again, that goes with differences that could never be perfected. I’ll have it my way, or no way at all.
Tony, I know contracts and actually read the fine prints. Actually, I have my lawyers do the legwork. My foot soldiers will ensure that Congress we’ll see it my way, no matter what it takes.
Kathy, we’re NOT robots! We can’t remember every stupid detail for every crazy topic! That’s where the minions must find their own answers. Don’t expect us to answer everything correctly. We’re only humanz!
Felix, I don’t believe in undocumented workers, period. That’s illegal. Are you crazy? The Mexicans, like you, can’t be trusted. So, I can’t trust undocumented workers using our sophisticated weaponry.
Katie, I’d make a deal with the African nations. I’d contract out our security forces in exchange for controlled resources in lion meat and other endangered species.
Fred, like the late great Ronny, I’d make a great “acting” president. Our military strength will surpass no other that’s it’s gonna be boring. Iran is our next ally. They owe us as a strategic location against our communists enemies. In exchange, we will absorb their immigrants. It’s gonna be a good deal!
Fred, I’d tear down illegal immigrants with our advanced weaponry and outta the ashes of dead humanz, a beautiful three-layered wall will rise in its place.
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