http://valenciabrocode.blogspot.com/2019/08/totally-legit-call.html
- Has tattoos. – Hey! I still want some nice tats to show-off my thug side.
- Piercings outside of the traditional earlobe placement. – I have two on each earlobe or four holes. Don’t go there!
- Has “slut face.” – Is that a drunken come-hither unto moi? Never heard of it until now.
- Cusses a lot. – I have a potty mouth, no doubt.
- Not ticklish. – Do NOT touch! Or I’ll freeze up!
- Broaches the topic of illegal drugs (even marijuana) without prompting. – The word ‘broaches’ is a new word unto moi. Is that similar to lapel pins on clothing? California Gold was good and too strong to come down.
- Has big tits. – Nah. You’d be butting heads with ribs, ribcages, and bones.
- Shows excessive skin for weather conditions. – You mean like wearing those ‘Daisy Dukes’ shortened shorts? I don’t go outdoors or wear skimpy outfits. (Refer to item number nine below.)
- Has extra body hair (arms, girl-sideburns, girl-mustache) and/or a low speaking voice. – I happen to be a hairy ape, thanks in part to the milk we’d consume during out childhood, and/or being prolly just hairy.
- Associates with confirmed sluts. – Y’all know what? My wards might happen to be troubled souls with troubled relationships ranging from interest in politics, banking, trespassing, and other teachable moments.
- Shows interests in girls, has “hooked up” with girls, or claims to be “bi-sexual.” – That’s dumb. In one music video by Prince, I didn’t understand why these women were performing so close to each other and staring at the camera with their ‘slut faces’.
- Is currently, or was at some point, in a sorority. – I was handed an invitation to join an AmerAsian sorority. But I wasn’t white enough.
- Has traveled alone, or with only girls, to fuck-fest locations (e.g., Jamaica). – That’s dumb.
- Was a cheerleader in high school. – I tried out and failed because I couldn’t do splits.
- Went, or goes, to a known party college (e.g., Arizona State, USC, UC Santa Barbara). – I was too shy, paranoid, anti-social, and don’t like crowds.
- Lost her virginity on the younger side (15 and down). – That’s dumb.
- Likes tequila shots or party drugs (e.g., Extasy/MDMA). – Tequila is good. So is whiskey. Beer is too weak like water.
- Is “friends” with DJs, promoters, or other small-time pseudo-celebs. – I do NOT like crowds or loud music.
- Is an artist, or a wannabe “model” who has done “photo shoots.” – I tried a photo shoot but that place like other places of business seem to have closed shop after my presence. I noticed recently too that after thinking about visiting a business establishment and setting my foot on its premises and/or ranting online about my experiences, the business is closed. Interesting world of My Matrix – my new blog probably 20190817-0836am.
- Broaches the topic of sex first. – That’s dumb. I said lets get married and the guy wasn’t ready. Hehe.
- Has a bad relationship with her father and/or has divorced parents. – My daddy is stubborn. My parents were NOT divorced.
- Describes herself as a feminist or with any of its jargon (“pansexual,” “demi-sexual,” “cis-gendered”). – That’s dumb.
- Has an even, nice tan that she maintains. – Then she is either high maintenance or has good genetics with leathery skin.
- Hair dyed a nontraditional color (e.g., blue). – That’s dumb. I only have colored by gray, silver, white hairs with caramel brown color recently.
Now that I’m unemployed I have a batch of pancake mixes that needs to be cook. I can either suffer at home with my yakking daddy or at work with office gossips and politics.
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