Dear diary,
Earlier this year, Mom said that I would be released when she’s dead. I am always thinking that heaven is ALWAYS a better place than his hellish planet and that she would be much happier in heaven with her immediate family, whom she said didn’t fight with each other or say mean and nasty words.
This morning, Mom said that if I find someone to go for it. I was thinking – that’s a possibility but where is he? Huh? She also said that she doesn’t know how to repay me. But I told her that love is (supposed to be) priceless.
She later told me to go to work because she knows I’m forcing myself to me a ‘good daughter’ as repeated expressed to me by the humanz from church, the hospital, and this facility.
So I have two options: work and deal with the public and get paid less; or continue being her caregiver and get paid monthly while blogging and being held hostage in this warm and stuffy facility.
I’ve been purchasing junk via smile.amazon.com (ASPCA), including today’s purchase for pickup at the local Amazon Locker about one mile away from this facility. It’s a mini portable air conditioning system.
We enjoyed thirty minutes of fresh cold air out front while I massage her HARD shoulder and neck muscles, which really helped her over these many slong years. I tend to massage roughly and do NOT know my own strength, which can be injurious to the victim, err, receipient of my fine work.
(Yes, the lucky guy in my life would receive DEEP painful muscle massage. But that’s probably NOT gonna happen because I have been experiencing numbness in my hands, especially the left wrist and slowness of my fingers and hands and general well being. Plus the muscle strength is NOT has good due to old age, of course.)
So she was feeling weak and dizzy and I processed her – side bed commode, wiping down. Amazingly, she hoisted herself up and plopped down on the bed. As usual, she would complain that I wasn’t helping. I guess I do NOT like dropping things and should focus on direct care before cleaning up. Sheesh.
(When I walked first thing into the room around eight o’clock, she complained that I didn’t care and that she was hungry. So after inquiring with a CNA who said that the food cart/tray is on the way (a rhyme which is mine and copyrighted), I fed and washed her before our brief outing.)
Anyway, I’m hopeful that she could be restored to some independence. She complained that Dad doesn’t care to come and visit, which he did yesterday. I would prefer that he stay at home because he’s adding to the already warm and stuffy room air and has been getting in the way of my processing. Plus, he’s triggering my anger as he doesn’t help with the hands-on care the heavy task of hauling Mom, except he’s good with organizing and cleaning up.
That’s it for now. My laptop is on my lap proper and tends to slip forward because of the angle of my thighs. I’m waiting for my pick-up code so I could try my A/C.
Sincerely,
Flynn B nurse awoke Mom so that’s how it goes with crap here. I can’t find a downtime without interruptions.
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