The relative, Allbutt DePriestman, died at 19:00 tonight in a hospital room number of 311, which signifies something to me due to the number eleven. Malform, his wife, should be the one most to cry after putting up with the likes of him for so long. There is nothing wrong with two fat people in love.
I cannot understand why these people would cry during someone’s death. My cousins expressed teary eyed concern though I know darn well they are not that close to the fellow. I did not like playing games especially with them and had no reason to ruin an evening by crying out my eyes.
I did not act normally upon seeing my cousins all gathered outside the waiting room across from the elevator. I waved my hands at them as if shooing flies away and walked away to where the dying one was located. There were no kisses or hugs to be exchanged by these people.
I did not cry because I saw his passing as a celebration into the new world. The jazzed up tunes should have been there lighten our hearts and not bemoan the loss of another person, whom I mentioned in my prior blogs did not connect as an uncle. I tried to be the joker but these harden pods won’t let a sincere smile show through.
I did not communicate properly and did say he is not my uncle by blood and that he is merely the husband of my aunt. My bio-units said my statements were insensitive but that is how I saw that individual. I may have embarrassed myself but have nothing to regret.
I felt uncomfortable in their presence and tried to sit next to my cousin Maliyam who definitely sat sideways from me. Both her and my other cousin ‘Spill-Low’ left right after I said those words and I once again was left alone. I still do not like their East Bay attitudes and would bite them with my bare teeth if I could.
Being there did not bother me. What bothered me is the fact that I had to be there no matter what. I do no understand why I cannot refuse to do anything that is considered normal by any standards by them or by anyone else. I simply refuse to believe I said or did anything wrong today.
Perhaps Maw is also weird by sharing the public listing of Brats new house. This page showed the colored picture of the house, along with the square feet and offer price. My cousins who bought houses in San Ramon, CA had much to discuss.
Brat has a prime location nearby a pending Costco, a 99 Ranch Market and the amenities of two mini-malls of various restaurants and a US Postal Service. Both Twit and Brat have jobs that are only ten minutes away from their new houses.
I am proud that their square feet is larger than their cousins, who end up traveling about one hour or so in order ‘have’ a house. Maw is proud to have showed that picture to them and the fact that bio-units, like her, are there to help.
At least Maw is being honest to these people who are notorious for hiding their struggles of being human or simply sharing a simple story of their boring lives. Unlike Maw who is wise about being nice and discrete, I tend to be blunt and hurtful at times unknowingly.
If I had a teacher, a master, a guru, a parent, I am sure that my greatest lesson to be learned in this lifetime is to simply be nice. Avoiding my monster is very difficult and tonight it showed ugly face by being weird and behaving badly.
My attitude stems from being spoil and having everything I could want. I kicked and screamed and was heard. But no one knew the insecurities of not belonging comfortably with anyone or any one group unlike me. I am alone and that is enough.
If there was any grieving to be done tonight, that should have been for the lost or fallen angel that could have been loved. She is me and I’ve nowhere to go except keep descending to their levels until these pod peoples show her the true way of being normal and better.
Perhaps after the prayers from 20:00PM to 20:20PM, there is hope for this lone angel from the knowing looks of the Catholic priest in purple colored robes. He turned to his five o’clock direction where I stood behind him and he gave me a softest handshake of peace. His rightward and serene gaze once again met mine (after the initial handshake) as I stood outside room 311 on his way out.
Grieving is good and allows the built up emotions to flow out. My hope is that these people see that there is no need for tears or sad emotions. I cannot preach to people who have not seen beyond their infantile ways. I pray they will get over their fake emotions soon.
My experience tonight taught me well about loving myself from the heart and mind and with all my soul. I embraced my bad side and knowing that all is well. I ask forgiveness from all those affected by my path. Hehehe.
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Friday April 14, 2006 – 11:15pm (PDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
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