Flynn's Paws: My Thoughts, My Gripes

Tag: humor

  • 20090725-Take It

    Universal healthcare scenario: Take these pill & don’t come back! Get flu shots b/c it’s good for you. I’m sorry. We can’t afford to help illegal immigrants.Bye

  • 20090725-Breaking Bread

    Instead of breaking bread as public apology, Obama invited Gates & Crowley over for beer. Why not throw in a dozen donuts & bagels for the cop to sweeten the deal?

  • 20090707-Jacko’s Message

    Per the final image of Michael Jackson to the right side of the screen (inside the Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA), a message reads:

    I’m alive and I’m here forever.

  • 20090707-Celebrating Death

    Listening to Lionel Richie sing ‘Jesus Is Love’. Love country voice of past song better than gospel noise. Recall songs of white mistress. Beaten up by wife-911

  • 20090705-Lunch Joke

    Co-worker: ‘Can you help me?’ Brat: ‘I don’t know if I should help a Demoncrat!’ Take away benefits from free-loading welfare takers & expect chaos. Sweet good.

  • 20090630-Leafy Laxatives

    Chop, boil, add ginger & season any of the 3: Peel outer stem layer of taro (gabi) leaves (but add coconut milk too), onchoy or yuchoy. Prepare for same day BM!

  • 20090630-Shake Well

    Paw’s joke: Guy drank a liquid but forgot to SHAKE WELL. He waited until he felt his stomach swell & decided to lie down on floor & proceeded to roll around….

  • 20090624-Lunch Jokes

    Here are some jokes as told during lunchtime by Brat:

    Checking Out

    The cashier is just finishing up the transaction.

    Bagger: Would you like paper or plastic?
    Customer: That one.
    Bagger: Sir? (unsure what to think)
    Customer: Yes. (smirking to self)
    Bagger: Which one? (bewildered look on her face)
    Customer: I’m just kidding. Paper, please.

    Choosing Softdrink

    A co-worker brings in a six-pack of soft drink, which of course are the same.

    Mexican: Have a drink!
    Filipino: Wait! (looks for a long time)
    Mexican: Well? Go ahead!
    Filipino: I can’t decide which one!
    Mexican: They’re all the same.
    Filipino: I’m just kidding. I’ll have this one.

    Answering Back

    A co-worker asks for some assistance.

    Chinese: Hey! Are you busy?
    Filipino: No! I’m Roger!
    Chinese: You’re stupid! (dumb-founded for a moment)
    Filipino: Hah! I’m just kidding.

    Flipping Alarm

    An older Vietnamese man gets out the car and clicks on his alarm. Tweet! Tweet! He walks five steps away until her heard something.

    A Filipino guy looks through his window and clicks on his alarm, which sounded exactly the same as the car of the old guy. Twit! Twit! Both cars were next to each other.

    The older guy walks back with his hands knuckling his hips. He looks  bewildered and clicks on his alarm again. Tweet Tweet! He walks away again to heard the same sound.

    This happens for a couple more times. Each time the guy would click on his alarms. The last time was when he started scratching his head.

    Now a co-worker was resting inside his car, which was right next to the old guy’s car. The co-worker noticed the Filipino guy inside the building was clicking his alarm and confusing the old man.

    The old guy sees the young chap laughing off his balls and approached the vehicle. He got mad and inquired if he was the one messing around with the car alarm.

    Of course, the lad couldn’t stop laughing and bawling. And in order to put the situation to rest, the Filipino guy came out and admitted his joke.

    The old far got mad and good thing he was one of the few who could take a joke.

    Female Answers

    An incoming call from a co-worker registers on the work phone. The IT department answers in a seductive, higher pitched voice. It was a slow day and he had to make his own fun.

    Joker: Hello. This is the IT department.
    Caller: Umm. Yeah. I need help.
    Joker: Sure. I can help you.
    Caller: Roger? Is that you? You asshole!

    Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.

  • 20090623-Phallic Pointers

    Oh, haha! Guess the team picked up on my thoughts about ‘not into probes’ from that Trunk Monkey commercial # 8. And what do I see? Lots of photos on crystals!!

  • 20090620-Kitchen Sink

    For quick hair wash: use dishwashing liquid 4 cleaner results, wash w/ water hotter 2 lukewarm, remove oils along hairline, sniff fingers, rinse well,towel dry.

  • 20090618-Fishy Baits

    Ate ~talapia~ fish for lunch-deep fried and dinner-coconut milk, cooked by Maw. When $#!+ happens, it smells like rotten fish and doesn’t taste so good, at all.

  • 20090612-Funny Parts

    Knees looks like bigger finger knuckles w/o wrinkels. Navels are oddly-shaped holes only soundless like ears. Bad mouths make louder noises than farts & burps.