Tag: humor

  • 20091103-God’s Eye

    I was playing around with the mirror to my right of my computer and formed an eyeball (which is my head) with my arms (which is the perimeter of the eyeball). The crook of my elbows are the corners of the eyeball.

    I made my eye look surprised by bringing my arms higher above my head and made it look right and left by moving my arms respectively. Try it but make sure you squint your eyes while in a dimly lit room.

    If only I had someone here to take my photo!

  • 20091014-Politically Talk

    The boy came over for lunch, blocked our driveway with his car and helped us unload a trunk load of grocery from the DeCA in Moffett Field, CA.

    Our conversation lead to our cousin JayJay, who we kids feel is intelligent but foolish in the eyes of Maw. The boy talked about what his former political science teacher, David Gergen (of SJSU and now of CNN) told him:

    `Don’t read too much into the meaning behind the words.`

    In other words, just take the subject matter as it appears and add no more weight than is necessary. But for the more artistic mind, water is more than some liquid to drink but wet, too! We compared our cousin’s mental state as someone who is `out there` or `wacko` as he described him.

    But Maw’s topic shifted to her worldview in which she believes that computers do NOT replace basic conversation skills. And that today’s kids are no match to the elders with normal understanding, which explains why today’s kids are out of control – they have no control and believe everything through the computer.

    In my mind, that’s an `Oreo` mentality. In order to get the message across, one must speak simply to the audience: speak like a white person to belong to their group or speak like a black person and belong to their group, too.

    Then the brat showed us a YouTube.com video of a VERY black report. He was speaking in his normal Westernized voice outdoors somewhere in the middle of the country and in broad daylight. Then all of a sudden a bug entered his mouth! In a matter of seconds, his true color (or nature, rather) came out: He made all sorts of expletives and in his distinct `black voice`.

    So the point is: people will shift their point of views to belong and get whatever they want, whether if it is to stay on the job or in an unhealthy relationship. It’s the professional poker face and how they survive in this world, even if it means turning their backs on the crazies, the poor and the homeless.

  • 20090925-Sun’s Flashlight

    Last night, I was administering first aid for Maw. She had four cuts underneath her folded skins. Betadine (or iodine liquid) was applied with a cotton ball, being careful not to spill the dark-amber colored liquid on the bed sheets and then dried carefully with a tissue paper. Then Neosporin (or triple antibiotic) was applied to the wounds with a Q-Tip (or cotton swab).

    Then in order to give her an idea of how well the wounds were healing, I suggested she stand in front of the mirror while I held the flashlight up to her affected areas. This worked but the glare was too bright and her eyesight was not all that good in the artificial lighting of the vanity room upstairs.

    When I went to put the flashlight back on her bedside table, I shined the flashlight against the white-washed walls and noticed something that reminded me of our sun.

    Our sun is not round but a big flashlight! Why?

    Take your Rayovac L.E.D. flashlight (Made in China) flashlight, which is made out of plastic and has a handle of yellow with two black-colored cap ends. The flashlight has the colors of a bubble bee.

    Now shine the flash light in the distance. The focus of the light against a sample wall appears to be one main light in the center with another concentric circle surrounding the one in the middle. The surrounding circles have a pattern which almost look like a radiation symbol or something like that.

    Now shine the flash light close-up to the wall. There are three lights forming a triangular pattern with three concentric circles for each of the main L.E.D. bulbs. Then three lighter concentric circles are formed at the junction where the three center lights are located.

    I see a darker triangle pointed upward with six, equidistant rays of light. It reminds me of the Star of David. And our sun is a star, right? Interesting. Try it.

  • 20090902-De Labor

    So for the past few days, Maw and I have been watching `George Lopez`, who’s totally funny. The shows ran all day and night long but we couldn’t stay awake that long.

  • 20090827-Lunch Joke

    Yesterday, Brat decided to go bicycling for an hour from his work in north San Jose, CA to Fremont, CA and back. He came back to work all dripping wet, red hot in the face and smelly, of course, while carrying his ten year old bike inside his work place. A Thailand co-worker encounters him.

    Thailand, a foreigner: So, did you go biking?

    Americanized-Filipino: No, I went dancing!

    In America, the `proper` scenario should have went something like this:

    Thailand: Hey, Roger! How was the ride? You smell!

    Filipino: Great! As you can see, I’m in need of a shower. Sorry.

    Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.

  • 20090824-Google Sucks

    Yup, after watching an old(?), televised segment yesterday on how Google retains emails for about one month and uses Google searches for law enforcement and court cases and how the FBI gets involved, I’ve typed in the words: `Google sucks`.

    And lo and behold, I’ve received a rare referrer from google.com! Then a few minutes ago, I’ve typed in the words: `Google still sucks`. Let’s see if I try typing out more damning information for the authorities and government – both of whom are in cahoots with each other to snoop into our privacy and internet behavior!

    Maybe I should type in the words: `Obama sucks` or `TPTB sucks` or `People who gives a damn sucks` or maybe `America is turning into a communist nation, where big brother and their big guns will bang down the door and haul away the dissidents of the freedom movement`

    BTW, for the intel community, I know what the `AXIS OF EVIL` is in reference. It reminds me of a certain business name. But then again what would I know! Brouhaha!

  • 20090810-Tingling Toes

    For the past couple of weeks or so, my left toes (i.e. index and big one) have been feeling wrong. It looks greenish in color. It appears to have a blue, ANGRY vein on top, near the toenail. Or perhaps the color of the skin is tanned from working outdoors, doing yard work and while wearing tattered red slippers.

    My left toes feel like they are tingling, assuming that maybe it’s related to my back problems. I’ve been doing small tummy crunches in the hopes of relieving the pain. I avoid taking pain killers whenever possible and try to `rough` the pain in silence. But nothing seemed to work.

    Around last week or so, I decided to stop using my painful new pair of shoes, which are hard on the arch and on the box for the toes. As a result, I had to resurrect my old pair of similarly styled shoes, which is black and flat. Only the old timer is smooth, fake leather; while the former is velvety and already wearing off at the fuzz.

    No sooner that same day, my left toes felt better! But for whatever reason, my left ankle feels slightly painful (as if sprained) and my left calf seems to be affected as well, almost as if it is spasmodic. As a matter, I’ve experienced charlie horses in my toes a few times and don’t know if my foot is simply tired of walking barefoot, an activity I’ve been experimenting with to see if my foot problem will improve.

    If I could only afford to buy a good HEALTH INSURANCE to help me determine WTF is going on with my health, I would like to keep my FOOT! I don’t want my left foot to be amputated as a result of a failed healthcare system in MY COUNTRY! It doesn’t appear to be gangrene or anything like that. My circulation seems fine since I do keep active EVERYDAY while still LOOKING FOR WORK.

    But I would like to know if there is some sort of hairline fracture that I’m not aware. And without some sort of MEDICAL INTERVENTION and access to medical equipment, such as X-rays or MRI’s, I am left to suffer the fate of so many millions of UNINSURED Americans! I am saddened that TPTB via the Democrats would pass the upcoming Obama Nationalized Health Care Plan.

    In the meantime and since I’ve NO MONEY to buy medical devices, I guess I’ll create a makeshift crutch with a few eucalyptus tree branches, which are way up HIGH, too high for me to reach without someone holding a ladder for me! The tree has been spewing a few twigs into our backyard but those are not strong enough to hold my OVERWEIGHT body!

    Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.

  • 20090806-Weighing More

    Listening to `El Rushbeau` on 560am-KSFO. Heard that he is supposed to be 163 pounds. That makes me a fatty, fat ass cow; for I weigh more than him! Damn.

  • 20090803-Make More

    In order to reduce the tax debt:

    1. Raise taxes;
    2. Inflate currency; and/or
    3. Create workers.

    Since raising taxes would anger both the wealth and the poor, sending entrepreneur offshore for cheap labor and the bottom-feeders to a speedy death and since inflating currency would mean taking half the worth of a normal’s pay rate, creating more workers is the third option. It’s the only way

    Besides the poor folks won’t stop making babies through the abuse of Medicaid, the baby boomers are now old timers, who suck up medical benefits (i.e. Medicare) via taxpayers’ money by paying more visiting to their health care physicians. It also means old timers can try making babies, which may or may not have potential medical problems due to the mother’s age; and, therefore, contribute to a larger family unit and state-owned workers, which are taxable.

    While watching cable news, I’ve noticed an increase in commercials for Erectile dysfunction (ED or “male impotence“):

    a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance.[1]

    The most noticeable advertisement has a nice jiggle: `Viva Viagra` (or `Viva Las Vegas` as sung by Elvis Presley).

    Sildenafil citrate, sold as Viagra, Revatio and under various other trade names, is a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH).

    However, it does have the usual interactions and side-effects:

    Other treatments for erectile dysfunction (ED) with other interactions and side-effects:

    Tadalafil is a PDE5 inhibitor, currently marketed in pill form for treating erectile dysfunction (ED) under the name Cialis; it has recently been approved for the treatment of pulmonary arterial hypertension, and has been used for other conditions.

    On a side note, is the price of treating men with erectile dysfunction worth more to enhance any stale relationship than paying more to treat the potential of medically induced problems associated with these side effect? There is nothing short of gross when two wrinkly OLD people making out! The imagery is already disturbing, especially when I’m reminded of an old woman from `Father of the Bride Part II` birthing a child in her old age.

    Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.

  • 20090802-Smelly Stuff

    Just mentioned to Maw about the `pot` smell from next door neighbor a few months ago. Thought of how common legalized marijuana is used by Hispanics and Latinos. Then wondered if Sotomayor would judge the ADDICTIVE drug as medically useful. Hehehe.

  • 20090728-Druken Apology

    Can’t imagine Barry, Gates or Crowley drunk on beer, cry on each other’s shoulders, hugs, kisser w/ apology & smile for the camera. Bravo! Ruin your livers, eh?

  • 20090727-Selling Shills

    If I were Sarah Palin, I would have put a stop to all the media bashing her and her family, just like what Barack Obama did to protect Michelle Obama. Sarah Palin should have saved her money instead of fighting allegations of ethics violations.

    Honestly, I don’t really care if Sarah Palin or whoever on the GOP ticket runs for president in the near future. I don’t know much about her accomplishments as governor of the state of Alaska, but I don’t agree on a hockey ring, which is predominately a white sport, on the shooting of wolves in order to save their reindeer stock that native Alaskans could have foregone with domesticated cattle that one would find in a normal grocery store and something about a `bridge to nowhere`.

    The mainstream media whores, like CNN, MSNBC, etc., had a duty to provide facts. Instead politics have turned into a circus, installing Al Franken, a COMEDIAN, of all sort as a representative of Americans and turning Sarah Palin into a pariah after David Letterman and pals made unwanted comments about others.

    Everything appears to be one big set-up, where I would see the power-hungry reptoids licking their chomps on television, readying their minions for the next meal of taxable American citizens. Maybe everyone will learn how to go fishing and hunting and to ride horses and snow machines.

    I see how both the Democrats and Republicans are to blame for governing the people too much at the expense of taxpayers’ monies. Where government continues their liberal agenda, regardless of race or gender, Obama or Palin, or whoever is serving on the ticket to more nationalizing of our children’s future.

    Copyright © FVDF. All rights reserved.