Flynn's Paws: My Thoughts, My Gripes

Tag: humor

  • 20111101-Humor Time

    As per my notes via the “Memo” app of my cellphone on 11/01/2011 at 13:47pm:

    Pre-meditated marriage is like pre-meditated murder. The end. End of game. Game over. Until death to you part, your separate ways. The pre-meditated part happens when either party married for nothing, to kill the relationship, to crush one’s heart, to loose one’s soul.

    For example, we were watching a popular news cable and its segment was about Kim Kardashians’s “sham wedding,” which lasted on 72-days. She didn’t get a penny from the story. But she made the correct decision to return the wedding gifts.

    It’s okay. At least she was being honest and had to leave. I sensed the guy wasn’t sincere. He seemed to goof off too much. Goof is the word that seemed right to describe the guy.

  • 20111029-Humor Time

    As per my old notes via the “Memo” app of my cellphone on 10/29/2011 at 12:55pm, we were finished after eating lunch at Denny’s restaurant. Then Paw say a guy headed to the cashier. The guy was wearing a shirt and the back of the shirt read as:

    “The gas cost so much I cannot afford to fart.”

    —

    Later on today (11/01/2011) during lunch, I showed Paw my old note and he wondered if our fart would be taxable. I said that could be possible if we captured the gas in a jar. He laughed.

  • Building new cabinet…

    Carpenters. Engineers. Maternal side and/or paternal side, respectively.

    Earlier tonight during the GOP debate, Maw and I brainstormed on the new cabinet. No. It’s not wooden. But to be made out of people. We already had in “mind” the following:

    • health, a doctor;
    • education, an adopted mother;
    • president, a older brother and;
    • vice-president, a younger brother.

    Now I just visualize who would have been good for the following positions:

    • security, a gun slinger.

    My brain stopped afterwards.

  • Poo long poo…

    The digestive process of both Maw and me is working well. We are drinking our non-alcoholic drink – a mixture of one-fourth “calamansi” (a salty, tarty type of lemon the size of grapes) juice and three-fourth apple juice. As a result, our poop is coming out LONG and strong for the past week!

    Posted from WordPress for Android

  • Guess my pic…

    Here is a photo of an object. Can you guess what it is?

    ~spider web?
    ~cat hair?
    ~dust bunny?
    ~gray filaments?
    ~silver wires?
    ~white threads?

    image

    Posted from WordPress for Android

  • Old fart…

    So the old fart wants $1,327.46 for the internet service to date. He want $31,000, plus $16,000, plus $10,000 and everything else I got. But when they pass on, the boy and I will get nothing but resentment. That’s how parents are. So to the kids, move on with your lives when you reach legal age and don’t look back. The old farts will only have enough patience and humor to take to their graves. The old fart had a chance to go away but he continues to divide the family. Even the wifey wants to leave him. But because the fat bastard and his moronic pals continue to hold my money hostage, I wonder how those ingrates could live another day. Let me know if there is any “good news”. Eh? Where’s your shame?

  • Naughty people…

    I just made the same three phone calls: head hunter, puss heads and fat bastard. So far, there is no response. I couldn’t hear the first name of the head hunter and will expect either a phone call and/or email. The puss head didn’t bother asking me if she answererd all my questions and hung up on me too quickly. The fat bastard is normally good about returning calls.

    Earlier this morning at around 9:00pm, Paw was being clueless. He (and I) happen to be very quiet and would spook Maw by standing behind her. I no longer torture the old woman in such a mischievous way because of her medical condition. And because I’m a TI and really sensitive about my SPACE and air, I showed Paw the bottom of my left slipper while attending the oven toaster. He kicked the bottom of my slipper in retalaition and grabbed the plate of toast to place on the table behind us.

    So there you go folks. Paw may be nice and quiet. But as mentioned in my old blog entry, he is violent just like the rest of my paternal trait. As a result, I ignored him while eating breakfast and washing up and went outdoors to do some yard work in the back yard.

    At 10:20am, the old fart wanted us to go to the bank to deposit his loan repayment/birthday gift from me and to return three raincoat ponchos (red, green and blue) to the Home Depot where we bought those over the weekend. I just didn’t feel right about hanging around with abusive and controlling people.

    After eleven slong years, this is what men have done to me: take everything I got; entrap me indoors from the “real world” where sinners laugh and saints cry and reward/punish me only because it amuses them. I am trying to recall anything during my childhood and growing years. But nothing important stood out.

    Respect has been replaced with resentment. Love has been replaced with disgust. And family unity has been a farce, only to put up/tolerate each other until death knocks at our doors.

  • 20110922-Humor Time

    As per my “Memo” app on 13:11pm, Maw mentioned a caller’s interpretation of EBT from this morning’s radio station. He said it meant “Elect Barack Twice.” We all should know that it means “Electronic Bank Transfer”. Hahaha.

    Posted from WordPress for Android

  • How do you know if guys are gay?

    During a conversation in the Great Mall, Ben had cracked another joke (at 10:56am).

    In the Philippines, there is a town where six guys were hanging out with each other. They look like ordinary guys who dressed locally. Of course, the only way to tell if a guy is “truly” gay is to see how they wear their pants. It so happens that when the pants is worn backwards, you can be sure he is gay.

  • Surprise sound…

    During yesterday’s conversation at the Great Mall with a bunch of old fart, Ben had told yet another joke (at 10:55am).

    In 1928, an army in the Philippines were recruiting people for their band. His uncle played the saxaphoner at that time. This is supposed to have been a true story in which a Chinese priest that had died and a procession was going on.

    Of course, there were single guys and single girls everywhere. One girl was so beautiful that all the guys were staring at her. Of course, the uncle had a way with his saxaphone and managed to throw the sound towards the girl.

    The sound startled the guys that they thought the girl made a loud farting noise. They took a second look with eyes wide open and were surprised to have learned she may not be as beautiful as expected.

  • In high places…

    During yesterday’s surprise mid-morning conversation with some old timers, Ben told of a joke (at 10:51am). His uncle once held the second highest job in the world. Now he holds the third highest job in the world.

    An astronaut has the highest job in the world.

    An airplane pilot hasd the second highest job in the worlds.

    As for Ben’s uncle, he holds the third highest job in the world as coconut harvester!

    For those too slow to understand this joke: the imagery is that of an old man climbing the tall coconut tree to get the coconuts.

  • Horsed men…

    Well, I just finish viewing the YouTube.com video showing the alleged “Ra-El”. He is sitting atop a white horse and sports a long black beard. He looks chunky! Now he is supposed to annouce to the world via “The Clouds” that he is the “Word of God”, the “Second Christ” on May 22, 2011, which is next Sunday, by the way.

    Well, sorry: I didn’t feel the earth move for me. That’s for sure. I expected fireworks but got hail stones earlier this afternoon and at least a jump in my heart chakra or butterflies in my tummy. But nothing came, except a few giggles. It’s not him. Why? The fourth horseman has not yet appeared.

    The first one appeared on Tuesday, October 7, 2008. Earlier that day, I joked with Paw about being a “cowboy”. Lo and behold, that good looking dude posted a photo of himself on a horse. Sorry. It’s all eye candy to me, baby!

    Okay. So according to that YouTube.com video, there were three horsemen. I only saw two.

    The second horseman appeared on Thursday, February 3, 2011 during the uprising in Cairo, Egypt. However, I saw how the video panned to the right and was timed almost precisely as this “green-colored” reflection made its “exit — stage right.”

    The third horseman appeared on Friday, March 11, 2011 during an earthquake and tsunami in Japan. The first appearance showed one white blur “gallopping” in a streak from left to right of the screen. Again, the video was panning slowly to the right and keeping pace with this “sighting”.

    Another green-colored horseman was shown to have “materialized” from the left of yet another screen shot. However, this video was “steady as she goes”. This one is the third horseman. Don’t ask me why: I just think it is.

    As for the fourth horseman, he is yet to make his appearance if not already. But who knows, not unless JVHV and pals are cooking up something to profit from your friggin’ DONATIONS! I’ve been WARNED many slong years ago about “charity” work. It’s a scam. So watch it, fools.

    I already know how you operate. Just ask me and I could get really personal and start posting names, a sacrifice of my peace of mind, my own life and yea, the spoiler of a small part of the game plan, owned and operated by TPTB and pals.