Your Daily Paws

Tag: myHumorTime-category

Resurrecting Uncategorized Private posts ending in Humor Time/Me. 20250106-0030 PST.

  • 20120114-Humor Time

    Here is a quickie smack down on an inspirational article on “The Bro Code:”

    • Get behind me Satan! No exceptions.
    • Thou shalt NOT lie, even to a stranger.
    • “You are my right hand [woman], Flynn.”
    • Honor your parental unit(s) and their property.
    • The game of love is NEVER fair for the fuglies.
    • I hate Toyotas. The braking system sucks.
    • Honesty is brutal, no matter how fugly your friend looks.
    • I happen to belch. Am I in, bro?
    • Payback is good.
    • “[Hey, Flynn! I got this tattoo just for you!”] (Dumb-ass, jerk!)
    • Is there an opposite word to “bro-mance”? Oh, its “wo-mance”!
    • The “fist bump” has my initials “F” and “B”. Go figure, dudes!
    • Yogi will be pleased to have “Mr. Piky-Nick,” a “basket case” over for dinner.
    • When not sure about going dutch say: “I’m on a diet”.
    • A fugly dude got kicked in the nads. She merely observed his pain.
    • “The Silver Rule:” When it comes to survival, self before others. Women and children first, please.

  • 20111204-Humor Time

    We attended evening mass on Saturday and there were four priests — three Filipinos and one Taiwanese, who didn’t laugh at jokes by a dark-skinned, short-necked celebrant, who started his sermon by mentioning “international accents.

    Next, he explained Advent and the preparation of the coming of Christ, end times in 2012 or whatever. He then fingered the wreath and pointed out that it won’t wither because it was plastic, and how one of four candle was pink because they ran out of purple ones.

    He took his sermon to describe preparations for Christmas. In some Filipino households, Christmas trees are put up on November 1st and taken down around the first Sunday of January or February or stayed up for the next year.

    He suggested that Christmas presents are exchanged with a knife set given to mother-in-laws. This means that in-laws don’t get along. I am not surprised.

    —

    I took notes around 11:09 and 11:13am.

  • 20111119-Humor Time

    Somewhere in California, two souls exchange thoughts:

    Him:”Hope you are doing well up there*.”

    Her:”Hope you are doing well “down there**”.”

    —

    *North of his location in Los Angeles.
    **South of her location in San Jose

  • 20111118-Humor Time

    Here are my notes via the “Memo” apps of my cellphone at 14:05pm:

    How bad are actors?

    • When “demons” are straight.
    • When they are “pro” tests.

  • 20111102-Humor Time

    Here are some funny words to describe popular newspapers (liberal or right wing, I cannot tell) as used by a syndicated spook and pal(s) over the airwaves:

    • Associated Depressed
    • The New York Slimes
    • Washington Compost
    • Huffington Puffington Post

    If you know anymore versions, you may post a comment/leave a reply.

  • 20111101-Humor Time

    As per my notes via the “Memo” app of my cellphone on 11/01/2011 at 13:47pm:

    Pre-meditated marriage is like pre-meditated murder. The end. End of game. Game over. Until death to you part, your separate ways. The pre-meditated part happens when either party married for nothing, to kill the relationship, to crush one’s heart, to loose one’s soul.

    For example, we were watching a popular news cable and its segment was about Kim Kardashians’s “sham wedding,” which lasted on 72-days. She didn’t get a penny from the story. But she made the correct decision to return the wedding gifts.

    It’s okay. At least she was being honest and had to leave. I sensed the guy wasn’t sincere. He seemed to goof off too much. Goof is the word that seemed right to describe the guy.

  • 20111029-Humor Time

    As per my old notes via the “Memo” app of my cellphone on 10/29/2011 at 12:55pm, we were finished after eating lunch at Denny’s restaurant. Then Paw say a guy headed to the cashier. The guy was wearing a shirt and the back of the shirt read as:

    “The gas cost so much I cannot afford to fart.”

    —

    Later on today (11/01/2011) during lunch, I showed Paw my old note and he wondered if our fart would be taxable. I said that could be possible if we captured the gas in a jar. He laughed.

  • 20110922-Humor Time

    As per my “Memo” app on 13:11pm, Maw mentioned a caller’s interpretation of EBT from this morning’s radio station. He said it meant “Elect Barack Twice.” We all should know that it means “Electronic Bank Transfer”. Hahaha.

    Posted from WordPress for Android

  • 20110912-Humor Time

    “Lord, I don’t want to “die yet“! Please let me live longer until the ones I love no longer need me.” ~Maw aloud in the backseat.

    Paw smiled and said: “Lord, I don’t want “to diet“!”

    —
    En route home bound after eating dinner at Apple Bee’s, Paw cracked a joke. We were on Trade Zone when Maw was talking about health. You see, Paw’s side happens to be VERY child-like in nature. But the in-laws (their spouses) are serious butt-pickers and that makes our calm demeanor rather unpleasant when confronted with “no fun”. Further, Paw’s side has a VERY creative mind. They would use ONE WORD  or groups of words and associate or create new words. Thus, they can misconstrue conversations to their favor, all the time.

  • 20110225-Humor Me

    Paw was telling his joke. This time it was about post-war cinemas that he used to watch long ago. In one movie, the plot was about WWII. The funny thing about some Filipino movies of old was the tendancy to show off. Actors would use Rolex watches and fire “ArmaLite” while in combat. The two items were historically incorrect!

    Filiipinos back then are impoverished and didn’t have expensive watches to wear and “Carbelite” was the weaponry used at that time. They played Japanese parts, too. And because of their thick Filipino accents, there was no doubt that the actors were not Japanese. I’m sure there would have been much offense at the outrageousness in antiquated Filipino movies.

  • 20110221-Humor Me

    After dinner tonight, Maw decided to call Manang Inday. For all I know, the old fart was making lots of humorous jokes to Maw, who got tummy spasms from laughing out loud and too much.

    Joke One:

    There was a prince residing in Dubai. He needed a blood transfusion because of his failing kidney. There was no match until a nice nurse from Ilocos Norte gave him some of her blood for tranfusions periodically. She did this for awhile until one of her friends inquired if he ever sent her any thanks or gratitude for her kindness. She relied, “No. I’m too ashamed to ask him.”

    But one day, the kindly young nurse had decided to visit the ailing prince and wanted to know if he would ever do something in return for her blood. Of course, he replied: “You see, I am next in line and heir to the throne. With all the wealth that I could hope to gain, I cannot reciprocate because your blood in running inside.”

    Hint: The joke is more cultural in which Ilocos are noted to be quite “thrifty” to say the least.

    Joke Two:

    There was a tour bus with lots of people. The bus approached a rest area and a couple of guys needed to use the toilet. After a few minutes, everyone was rested enough to board the tour bus and take off to site see the rest of the place. However, the two guys were missing. Out of curiosity, the tour guide (and bus driver) decided to find out what is taking these two so long. What he found was that the two fools were cleaning the bathroom!

    “Why are both of you cleaning the bathroom? It’s time to go, now!” exclaimed the befuddled tour guide/bus driver.

    “No, sir.” Said one guy. “We have to clean the bathroom. Can’t you read the sign? It says: “CLEAN BATHROOM”.

    Joke Three:

    Imelda Marcos wanted her husband to win presidency. So she went to Quiapo to pray to the Lord.

    “Lord! Please hear my prayers. Let my husband win the presidency; so I can buy lots of shoes and go abroad.” Imelda prayed in earnest sincerity.

    Then Jesus appeared to Imelda saying: “You should be lucky woman that I’m nailed to the cross. I would get down from here and slap you for being so selfish!”

    —

    The phone conversation between the two old farts ended at around 8:00pm tonight.

    Addendum- Last edited by FLYNN on 20110222 at 04:54:24 AM UTC:

    Joke Four:

    Ferdinand Marcos died and went to heaven. But before he went through the pearly gates, he met St. Peter.

    St. Peter asked the Iloco: “What do the letters IRNI mean and why did you place that placard over your gravestone?”

    Ferdinand replied: “IRNI stands for Ilocos Regional North One. And that’s so people know where I came from!”

    —

    I suppose the caller is Ilocos.

  • 20110214-Humor Me

    Sometime last month, the boy came over and told a couple of jokes.

    First old joke:

    A staff needed her computer repaired. She had it in the back of her trunk. The boy was approached by her.

    “My computer doesn’t work. Can you help me get it out of the trunk?” She asked.

    “Sure! No problem! I have it right here!” As he looked up at her and smiled, obviously humoring himself at her confusion.

    With wide eyes, she stared at the boy: “How did you do that?”

    Of course, to allay her fears: “Nah! I’m just joking! It’s still in your trunk!”

    Second, old joke:

    An older co-worker likes to dress up in fancy clothes. His favorite designer brand happens to be “GAP”.

    One day, the old fart wore a shirt with the word “GAP” printed on the front.

    “I love wearing GAP clothing!” He proclaimed to his co-workers.

    Of course, the boy knew how to clown haughty fools with too much ego.

    “Did you know that “GAP” spelled backwards is “PAG”? He smirked.

    “What do you mean “PAG”? You are NOT making sense.” The old fool was not sure at this point.

    “In the Filipino language, there is no letter “F” but in its place is the letter “P”. So by default, you are a “FAG for wearing “GAP”! Get it?

    The boy was laughing out loud.