Tag: johnsmallman

Just finished listening AND reading the audio/blog of Saul regarding “Any blame, shame, or punishment hurts all of humanity!” Now, I normally do NOT subscribe to any channeling whatsoever because of the potential for the channeler to “taint” the incoming data-set with its own personality traits; although Bashar, too, does resonate well with this same concept of “love is one and all divine”.

Anyway, I’m still trying to overcome the fear and anxiety of having to deal with the divorced psycho nutter living next door/near to us/our garage. She still is a nuance. A few days ago, she walked preciously near our shared chain link fence en route to fetch her mail. Tonight around 1920 PM, she opened the electric garage door, just as I shifted the transmission gear from reverse off our right/driveway to forward upon MY drive headed westbound. I had to call home and Maw answered. I told her about my observation but our ADT video surveillance system doesn’t capture the movement of her garage opening/closing.

My other fear and anxiety is having to deal with the Mom at church. For whatever reason, she seems to have attached herself to me like a friendly little tick. No one EVER got that close to me without “backing away uneasily”. For whatever reason, that is why I’ve no “real” long-lasting friends, except my parents/family members, and remained single to this day: I must be a freak! Anyway, I was “absorbing” her troubled emotional energy signature and I would be left literally drained that I would get extremely upset and have cried on several occasions since her “unusually close/fearless presence”.  I’ve NEVER been so moved so frequently in my life and maybe, it’s because we are in the year of twenty-THIRTHEENTH, a “bad luck” number and year after the alleged/defunct 2012 end-of-the-world scenario.

Besides these heightened feelings fear and anxiety, I would get recurring thoughts of anger and hatred. Not a day goes by that I MUST actively “intend” my will to love these two psycho nutters and other troublesome personalities at the home front or elsewhere by sending them images of a smiling Cheshire cat, a colorful flower, a bear hug, a contented feeling of calm, or whatever I could summon from deep within my imagination. This seems to work until I get too tired and must take my naps. I know such “intent” does work as reflected in the BEAUTIFUL weather. Not even the annoyances of media, politics, and other data-sets do NOT bother me as much, although distractors try/must in vain to side-track me every step of the way.

Do NOT doubt me! All is a good learning experience.

P.S. Tonight, I saw little Claire (the Amer-Asian girl) singing along/among the youth ministry, which sang ten minutes into our time slot. She looked my way and I waved. The Boss was sitting all by himself, another member from the CofC sat in the dark and two more old choir members sat next to me. I was in a mode and left them just as quickly to sit in my pew. For whatever reason, I was drawn/walking towards her to exchange a few words with her about Rachel, her grandmother and former co-worker of Maw. But it was a weird thing because I rushed up to help her pick up the fallen music encased in the clear coversheets. “It happens all the time,” she said. The CofC helped and so did one of two “choir conductor” helped.