20230614-0013. I had a first crush during my elementary schooling. His name was Michael and was dark-skinned.
For whatever reason, I kept repeating his name over and over again aloud, enough so that my mommy asked me if I had a boyfriend.
I barely remember she was sitting down on our old yellow sofa and asked me as I was sitting down in front of her and fidgeting and feeling embarrassed about telling her as I rocked her knees back and forth while smiling.
The next day I barely remember Michael following me close behind and I didn’t know what to do but hurry up to the girl’s bathroom. Where I remember him smiling as the door shut in his face.
And since then I never really understood what was the meaning a crush, a boyfriend, an infatuation and fast forward today, the word love. I really don’t know why people have an attraction to each other.
I thought everything was a joke and just fun. And as such I still don’t take relationships or any cause, groups, or movements seriously as I still think everything is a joke and just fun.
Do y’all understand me now? And so here I am forcing myself to believe I could experience what everyone is supposed to feel and do and react in response to feelings or emotions that frankly still does NOT make sense.
It’s almost fake, honestly, like phone calls and sweet nothings going nowhere. Y’all know who y’all are and what I mean. It’s a game to me! It’s NOT really happening. It’s NOT meant to be – EVER!
End of blogging. 20230614-0020.