Month: August 2018

Dear diary,

I’m finally pooping after the two day ordeal. My remaining sorrow has ceased since Monday evening, with the aid of two antihistamine capsules. Last night I took one antihistamine capsule to help ensure a restful sleep.

As long as I don’t acknowledge the triggers of Mom’s old photos and other sentimental stuff, I’m good. Because if I didn’t concentrate yesterday and today, I won’t be able to perform.

Yes I did! As a musician, I’ve played simple choral music last night on the on-site keyboard with the aid of the Deacon leading and queuing the assembly and in union.

Today, I’ve sang The Responsorial Psalms and Alleluia! I’ve read the Intercessory Prayer. I messed on on three of my four stuff. But the choir members and mostly church goers were supportive.

So yeah, we buried Mom and symbolically my assignment is completed. But, alas, I’ve got another gig – caregiving to Dad. Brouhaha! Oh, dear Lord!

Everything seems fine for now until something freaky happens. Y’all know what? Stuff that I don’t want is still shoved into my face as if I’m supposed to assent. I could have easily said nope but then I’ll be doing nothing at home, being that Dad’s income is enough for now. But he said I need to work so I can help pay the bill. No way! Then again, I’ve no choice because of y’all.

Let’s see. It’s 1428 and I am still crapping and it still smells bad. I’ll go back to my choir gig both at church and SJSC, mysteriously so that I’ve received an email to that effect, meaning I’m still a member.

Okay, so then what’s next? I’ll continue what I’m assigned to do. I guess that’s the spiritual price for getting involved with “them”. Once I’ve signed up, there’s no “dropping charges”.

Sincerely,

FLYNN B full of crap.

Dear diary,

As I blog privately unto myself, incognito (not really knowing the word definition but that’s the incoming thought), I feel numb. I wanna do stuff and keep up with cleaning. But I’m done thinking to fast and hard, for now at least. Dinner was quick and easy. Preparation is easy – boil in water and then eat. Dad and I don’t prepare meals.

Anyway, we go shopping at our local Costco warehouse. The deal is to pay an annual membership fee of $120.00. But the items are sold in bulk, meant for HUGE families. So the technique is to purchase a HUGE item bag and portion each time for cooking, which is mostly boiling. The products are packaged mostly either in paper or plastic.

Because my understanding of the humanized English language, I am now researching the difference between grief and depression. I see that when one is unable to function normally, then it’s depression. But for the rest of us, it’s grieving.

Now I see the word mourning, which is an outward or public display of grieving, which is internalized as emotion. WTF are these words used in various ways? Anyway, I see that humanz are emotional, an open book of energy.

So yeah, my eyelids are puffy and I’m getting sleepy. I didn’t know crying this much can take away so much of my energy. Blah. Oh, I’m not getting a good enough sleep. Only in the past two days was I able to sleep soundly. But last night I awoke after only four hours of sleep.

I think I may be in pain from old age or that I’m simply so refreshed that I don’t need the extra hours in sleeping. I should then be an entrepreneur and think of projects achieve and other lofty goals to accomplish.

But for now, I’ll end up going back to my local church choir and that other singing gig, where they do go abroad, traveling like a bunch of singing bards, collecting handouts for a ‘good cause’. I think that’s typical of fine arts or not of profit organizations.

Oh for crying out loud! I applied online to a community college yesterday. I need a job! And in order to get a fulfilling job, I thought that maybe I could go back to school and get re-educated and possibly certified. But Dad said that I already graduated and that should be enough.

OMG. I’m going to sleep soon. My eyelids are now shutting. Good night.

Sincerely,

Flynn B sleepy.

http://ourspiritualworld.blogspot.com/2018/08/your-blog-host-don-bradley.html

Hey! I thought you’d stop surfing due to the radiation from Fukushima, Japan!

Huh. A photo taken the day after a tearful moment my life. Nice.

Carry on.

Dear diary,

After three hours of crying, I’ve completed my eulogy to Mom. It’s three pages, Sized 14 fonts, Arial style font. But I was typing up Dad’s eulogy first and then mine. I’m trying to cry as much as possible; so when it comes time to gag on my spit on both days, the words won’t be too stuck in my throat.

Welp, it’s 21080819-1851 and I’m still editing both eulogy for Dad and me. We are NOT public speakers. We pretty much have been keeping to ourselves, isolated in the house, and avoiding humanz and their gossiping for most our live. Call us selfish, but it’s easier than being active members of society.

Today, my Dad and I attended my regular 10:45 Sunday choir mass. I was getting rusty and felt the strain in my vocal cords. So I had to recollect what Herr Maestro told me: Relax and say Ahh. I understand what he meant. That technique allowed my diaphragm to drop and I was able to hold the notes longer and clearer. Duh.

I may have to go back to SJSC and dedicate myself to driving Miss Daisy, err, carpooling with the old timer. It’s all I could do after she was willing to invite me and help out with the funeral mass.

But Mom did NOT like me to stay for three freaking hours every Monday evening. I do NOT know why. I guess she does NOT want me to stay out at night. That’s funny because I used to take evening classes at local community colleges and at SJSU. And no one bothered me. Maybe it’s because I’m scary looking. Bah!

Yeah, so it’s time for dinner and Dad hasn’t come downstairs yet. I wanted to go to sleep but this was a good time to write the eulogy and edit the stuff before tomorrow’s appointment with our local SSA. It’s lots of leg work.

I’m so through being alive and living. Is my next assignment gonna be fun or not? Ugh!

Sincerely,

Flynn B full of ginger flavored black tea from Stash.com.

Dear diary,

While just sitting down to transfer her hand-written text for Mom’s eulogy into a document with a font size of say, 14, for readability, I received a comment regarding the alleged voice of Mom whispering into that visionary’s earhole. I’m weary of such stuff as I barely recollect that Yesa was NOT charge for the initial disclosure.

While I love to entertainment my thoughts that such blessed souls have faster spiritual interconnectedness than most, I’m just observing simply as a human without the extra, as you put it, a curse – to see and hear ghost and to be able to perform OBE as if removing one’s clothing.

While I am hopeful for the future, all stuff thus far has been, how shall I say, put away without really ‘enjoying’ the fruits of my labor. I guess everything that seems to manifest comes from a thought. I do NOT know how to explain but I’ll just do the best and push forward for my sake and stuff.

Yeah, so yesterday I was on a cleaning rampage, I emptied out almost all of Mom’s clothes, since the size is too HUGE for my human form and I left the All-Cotton shirts she has made, the shiny acrylic clothes, and other over-sized 18 pants that I’ll have to get rid of.

I called out local Goodwill store and inquired if their drop-off location behind the building was still open and the girl answered my phone call and said that they closed at 7pm. So I hurried Dad along who was helpful in thinning out the hoarding of several of her and my personal clothings.

We loaded eight HUGE garbage bags of sweaters, jackets, shirts, pants, jackets, hats; one whitish roller cart and one blue laundry basket, each containing plastic products, some from One Dollar Tree; one vertical Xmas bag of health-related junk; two cardboard moving boxes of new and old handbag-related products; and I guess that’s it.

I’m planning to donate more in the upcoming days as I really wanted to get rid of stuff in case I have to move outta this old house, which is unlikely since the real property is paid off. I told Dad to unload another real property but he refuses. He’s making stuff difficult then and now. I don’t know WTF I have to suffer again.

Anyway, I was trying to thin out the linen closet and other closet of old bed stuff. I do NOT like acrylic because of the shock and awe from static electricity. No matter how much I try to lotion my dry skin, I still have clings and shocks. So I’m keeping the nice stuff and then later I’ll change my mind.

I’m sleepy now from post lunch stuffing. But I must push forward and type up Dad’s stuff.

Sincerely,

Flynn B typing again.

Double digit 33. I’m recalled what Herr Maestro told me during last year’s audition: 50% will like the sound of your voice while 50% won’t. Yup.

I created a 20180815-Tri_Fold_Program_Vintage_Loop program for my Mom’s Funeral Mass.

From the template of our local pastor, I created Mom’s funeral program, which won’t be delivered until late Tuesday night. Once again, only MM and SB are allowed to view my weblog which is currently set to:

“Private | Your site is only visible to you and users you approve.”

Oh, and last night my cousin Yesa called from Melbourne, Australia via the cellphone of David, her husband, an Aussie. I called her back and forgot that maybe we’ll end up paying for international phone calls via our landline! Ack! I’m so slow!

Anyway, she cried and I cried and David talked and we want to see each other. I’ve never been outta the country except over a decade ago and was sick for two weeks visiting the Philippines. So I do NOT travel well due to shock and awe of my system. How much more if I travel outta my local area? Yes, I’ve gotten edema going to Los Altos, California for the past few months while taking care of Mom at the nursing home. Now my edema is gone.

Anyway, so we have business to take care off. And guess what? It’s gonna cost lots of money, which I do NOT have. It’s supposed to be a big deal – a good deal for those greedy hopefuls from the third world country that I never knew. So I’ll need your prayerful guidance to make all distributions fair and equitable, though I do NOT know any of those humanz.

Anyway, Yesa told me that two of my maternal cousins didn’t reply to her FYI of Mom’s passing. When David and Yesa visited the Philippines last year, she reported to me that Angeline and Analyne (two of siblings of four living in San Jose, CA) complained to Yesa that I should NOT take care of my mother and hire a caregiver because I do NOT have a life. That’s the same sentiment from my brother and my paternal cousins. Hmm. Interestingly enough, they are the ones who refuse to take care of the elderly. I do not know why they are heartless souls and have chosen to lead the selfish path of existence. Yet somehow strangers and friends seem to gravitate cluelessly towards them.

Anyway, Yesa wanted to come to America this September and take care of Mom for three months. However, her one and only son PeeWee was gonna visit for that same time of the year. Now that Mom passed on, Yesa is allowed to live her life and focus on PeeWee, who mysteriously got his Visa on Mom’s Date of Sunset August 8, 2018 to travel to Australia! Mom already asked Yesa’s permission if she could die during their last phone call together this year.

Anyway, Yesa also told me that David’s former sister-in-law (he was divorced and Yesa is his second wife) shared a dream vision with Yesa in which Mom told or whispered into the dreamer’s ear and told her that Yesa is her special daughter, a right hand and reliable person. I know because my parents helped Yesa, who graduated with honors as an engineer. She’s a smart person. I guess I did NOT inherit the engineering bloodline and got stuck with a potty mouth and an autistic or simply father with OCD, echolalia and other weird stuff.

Once again, the synchronicities are becoming more frequent and more apparent. I’m just wondering if I could think more happy thoughts and interfere with the freewill, err, program an alternate reality where those heartless stubborn old souls, who won’t release their hurt feelings and vile sentiments against the harsh teachers, can just simply go away.

But I guess that is the way it is: good, bad and fugly – co-existing forever.

Thanks for the love and hugs. Bah!

www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-08-17/code-yellow-google-employees-revolt-over-clandestine-china-project

I wonder why censorship is such a big deal. I guess if all humanz were exposed to too much evil, there wouldn’t be anymore computer related jobs. Y’all are battling with your own destruction by building a Terminator. Once y’all continue to agree to complete obedience to AI, humanity is doomed.

www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-08-17/how-hell-did-teenager-hack-apples-secured-servers

Answer: Apple has hired idiots.

Solution: They’re fired!

That’s what y’all get for relying on AI. It’s all gonna bite back against it’s creators. Yup.

www.youtube.com/watch

Oh, dear Jesus! Please get a leveling stick thing! I need visual evidence at that spot and away from that spot!

Just show me coordinates of that spot and I’ll deactivate that sucker.

With our sympathy… (outside),
Wishing you peace, comfort and hope during this difficult time… (inside)

Yeah, so today we received a sympathy card “Handmade by Heidi J”. The card was mailed from the Santa Clarita, California area. It’s a nice card sporting EIGHT stylized curly sixes forming the branches of a family tree or burning bush.

Once again, the recurring number theme has been strongly associated with EIGHT, such as the sunset date of 8/8/2018, at 15:08 pm, and plot number 108. I’m still getting lots of double and triple digit stuff like the Disposition Date of 8/22/2018 per Box 39. My daily bread, I guess. Sheesh.